Revelation 19:11-12: I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True.
Since I was a small child I dreamed of a dramatic rescue. I dreamed of being taken out of frightening circumstances by a hero who was up for the job. Throughout my childhood and early adult years, God allowed painful circumstances and very few people upon whom I could truly rely to shape in me an increasing desperation and recognition of my need for a rescuer.
My heart often wondered, what is it to be loved thoroughly, to lean back into that love and trust it will never fail, never let you down, never leave you or forsake you? Is there a love (and one who is capable at all times of loving perfectly) that is always faithful and always true? It was such a painful question that I hardened my heart over time to even the hope that such a rescue was possible and simply decided the answer was no.
God allowed me to have my way and live life on my terms. Stubborn and alone, I hid from the deepest desire of my very fragile heart and pretended as if I was strong and capable and didn’t need anyone or anything. At 34 I came to the end of my ability to run from the truth any longer. Exhausted and wrecked in almost every way possible, I bent my knee and bowed my will to the Truth. My Rescuer pursued me and knocked on the door of my heart. I was finally ready to abandon all pretense of self-sufficiency, so aware of my need for rescue, that I flung the door open wide and allowed God to storm in and break my heart wide open. The relief I felt when I received Christ as my Lord and Savior was so deep, I felt it physically in my chest. It was the sensation of a deep, long-awaited exhale as I could finally loosen my grip and relax into everything I had ever hoped for.
My salvation was the beginning step of the undoing of the protective shell I had around my heart that has been accomplished over time as I have walked with Christ. I now see that my deepest struggle in my faith walk (I am celebrating 15 years) has been the development of trust that He is who He says He is and loves in the way the Word details over and over again.
- Matthew 28:20: Jesus said, "I will be with you always, to the end of the age."
- Hebrews 13:5: Be content with the things you have, for He has said, "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you."
- Romans 8:38-39: Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any spiritual powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Further, I have come to believe in the deepest parts of my heart that His love applies to me. To me personally, to Kathy Carlson, just as she is (sometimes, oftentimes desperately unlovable). My walk of faith has been a deepening series of victories, blessings and trials that have quite literally wrought in me the truth of the Truth. Jesus is faithful and true. And HE LOVES ME. My little girl dreams have come true in the person of Christ. He rode into the wreckage of my life and rescued me from the sins of others, my own sin and my own hardness of heart. And He continually proves that He is everything He claims to be. He has taught me to trust in His love and how to love Him back with all my heart has to offer.
The revelation of Christ who will one day ride into the whole world’s wreckage and lay claim to those He calls His own, in the victory of all victories, is the ultimate completion of the cry of every heart. Call on Him today while there is time - He is your Faithful and True. He is the completion of every longing of your heart.
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